Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
