I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
