She's JV to your varsity
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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