Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
