OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
being pregnant is like rehab
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
