she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Every concussion has its silver lining
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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