i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
