i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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