apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
