He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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