She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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