I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wear drunk well.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
