I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
