I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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