he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
