Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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