Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
