U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
