so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
