i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
