It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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