I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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