Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
