your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
