I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
