those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
