You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
