I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the day after is always just damage control
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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