he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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