Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
