I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
