Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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