we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
