I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
