so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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