The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
