My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
