the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
COCAINE IS GR8
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
