sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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