So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
