You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
