i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
