In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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