Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
