Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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