I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
