Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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