All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
