We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There are leaves in my underwear?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
