I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There's always time for handjobs
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
