3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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